So last night, for some reason, I thought I was going to die. The whole day I was feeling weird and I didn’t know why.

I gave my mom more kisses than usually and I focused on my environment. On fresh air, nature, birds, everything.
So around 00:00 I went to bed. Suddenly I had this sting in the left side of my head. I became very dizzy and my skin turned pale. I’ve had a health problem since I was young and that’s fainting for no reason at all. I’ve fainted for more than 20 times in my life and I’ve never thought of death. This time was different.
My head became so ‘heavy’ and I was shaking. I texted my dad that I love him and just lay down saying “La ilahe illAllah”. I wanted those to be my last words.
I thought of how my time had come and I saw no hope for waking up in the morning. I thought of how I always say “oh I’ll wake up for fajr tomorrow” and just don’t do it. I thought of how I had all those plans to practice my religion more but I didn’t have the chance.
I thought of all those people who died at a young age, so unexpected. I went into tears ‘cause I messed up, I threw away life.

“Allah I’ve failed, you don’t have to forgive me.. Judge me for who I am. I accept my punishments cause I deserved it.”

I decided not to lock my door this time and I just closed my eyes with the thought of never waking up again. “Alhamdulillah for the life You gave me.”

So it’s 11:30 AM now, I woke up in the morning feeling perfectly healthy. I don’t know what happend last night, but I do realize I shouldn’t say “I will do this and that tomorrow” anymore. I must do it now. It’s all good and beautiful that I have these plans, but they mean nothing if I don’t put them in action.

One day the game will be over and you’ll regret procrastinating everything. Death is so near.. So so near.